iaremyne.

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The Answer to Why Women Take Forever in Bathrooms.

Women spend alot of time in bathrooms, both at home and in public places.

An average woman takes thrice as long as their male counterparts when answering the call of nature. 

Essentially, by the time you finish reading this, he would’ve been done, bought what he came to the mall for, had a quick meal and checked out 3.5 girls and yet we will still be standing in line. 

So why is it that there is always a queue at the female toilets? Why is it that once your girlfriend/mother/sister enters a public restroom, they take so long? That with the amount of time they spent in there, surely they must have found a passageway to Narnia and rescued the kingdom.  

Why do women spend so much time in bathrooms? It’s simple really. Firstly, 

The Equipment Problem: 
Unlike men, women are given more ‘troublesome’ excretory systems. Due to the lack of piping, we do not have the privilege of merely unzipping our fly, do the shabangthankyoumaam and be on our merry way. There is all these other movements we need to do: unzip pants, remove pants, remove panties, squat, wipe then everything again in reverse. 

And, what if we are wearing a long dress? Careful planning is needed to bunch it up in a way so we do not soil it, OR what about tights – I swear its like trying to fit a glove onto an elephant. And those pants that have approximately 12 buttons?

THOSE TAKE TIME YOU KNOW. 

The Toilet Design Problem: 
While men have urinals, women have stalls. And this basic structural design is one of the main reasons why we take so long. Let me explain. 

Due to the ‘open’ or ‘communal’ concept of urinals, men are expected to do their thing and then leave (and at times, wash their hands). You can’t be hanging around after you are done (refer below for things to do after peeing) as it would deem as odd and not socially acceptable to other patrons. 

Women on the other hand have the privilege of a private space. Within this enclosed area, we can adjust straps and unintended wedgies, we can reply that text or make that phone call. Hidden from view, we can finally pick that booger and let out that fart (yeah, we do these things too, sorry to crush your dreams guys). We might stretch, scratch – perhaps that dinner made us want to retch.

In the stall – nothing is impossible. 

The Mirror Problem:
Now we are at the final hurdle, the last stretch. All that needs to be done is done. And say you finally understand the plight of womenkind – but still, why are they yet to materialize?

The answer is this: mirrors. 

Mirrors are fascinating things. It allows us to do things that we can’t within the stall. With these magical reflective surfaces, we can reapply make-up, comb our hair, adjust that dress. We can also take those proverbial toilet ‘cam-whore’ shots (given that no one is looking, of course). Even on our way out, we need to do at least two full body and three half body turns at the full length mirror – just in case we missed anything.

Guys? I’d suggest that you read a book (or take up a new hobby) while you wait. 

  

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Comments
  1. Anonymous 1st July 2013 on 4:49 am Reply

    seriously?? if all women are like this than we should go back to the olden days where men are superior. if all u want to do is look at yourselves in the mirror, your pathetic. A self indulged narcosis who spends hours looking at themselves in the mirror is a waste of oxygen. I personally have a sister who spends 2hours + a day in the bathroom and she comes out looking shit with caked on makeup and foundation, just looks fake and if you add it up, 2 hrs a day minimum over a week is 14hrs, over a year its 728hours which into days is over 30 days. summing up my sister spends 1 month a year in the bathroom.. That is fucking ridiculous and quite frankly disgusts me

    • DeezNutz 10th October 2016 on 2:23 pm Reply

      Oh my god yes, I fucking hate people that waste time with stupid shit like excessive grooming and makeup while I’m almost shitting my pants!

      • Anonymous 4th January 2017 on 12:14 am Reply

        Have the exact same problem. If there was a restroom door that automatically opened every 12 minutes, my problem would be solved. Too bad that’s just a fantasy, like sabotaging their makeup to get this over with.

    • Womem 6th November 2016 on 11:40 am Reply

      Shut up!!!!

  2. Jessica butterson 20th July 2015 on 6:52 am Reply

    This did not really help me out I want to know why women take to long pooping some women take 1 hour long pooping how come

  3. […] you spend an hour bathing using a shower compared with an hour dipping your entire body in a bathtub, you will surely waste […]

  4. Akayak ZMom 4th June 2017 on 3:44 am Reply

    Stereotypes. I’ll describe myself and leave others out of this: I go to the toilet to pee or poop or wash my hands. The clothing thing isn’t a big deal, it’s normal, I wear a body suit that I can’t get the crotch snaps to undo so I have to take it off but oh well, rather have less back pain that worry about having to take down 1 extra piece of clothing. I wash hands and leave. I shower to wash hair once a week, takes total of 7-8 min to scrub the body free of grease ‘n grime, low flow shower due poor water pressure, actually measured out to be 6 gallons of water, like a solar shower, that it takes for me to scrub it [body]. The other 6 days I use a cloth and do the PTA (my amazing grandmother from Okinawa taught me : Pits Tits and Ass). I have one eyeliner stick, one mascara, a pair of tweezers. I use that makeup when I go out in the evening with my husband sometimes-I can’t wear makeup at work-sweats right into my eyes-Ooh it burns! I tweeze eyebrows once a month in the living room window, better sunlight, small mirror compact. I roll my hair into a bun everyday and put a hat on. Even on the weekends. I’m just a utilitarian I guess. Wasting time on things that should otherwise be trivial and just need to be done makes no sense to me, pointless for me. I’ve done it, wasted time, but I do it less because I only have 2 days to get my kayaking in and go for hikes. 3 hours from my time in the sun and water daily seems like a lot of wasted time for beauty products and pooping. Happy Saturday everyone!

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