Women spend alot of time in bathrooms, both at home and in public places.
An average woman takes thrice as long as their male counterparts when answering the call of nature.
Essentially, by the time you finish reading this, he would’ve been done, bought what he came to the mall for, had a quick meal and checked out 3.5 girls and yet we will still be standing in line.
So why is it that there is always a queue at the female toilets? Why is it that once your girlfriend/mother/sister enters a public restroom, they take so long? That with the amount of time they spent in there, surely they must have found a passageway to Narnia and rescued the kingdom.
Why do women spend so much time in bathrooms? It’s simple really. Firstly,
The Equipment Problem:
Unlike men, women are given more ‘troublesome’ excretory systems. Due to the lack of piping, we do not have the privilege of merely unzipping our fly, do the shabangthankyoumaam and be on our merry way. There is all these other movements we need to do: unzip pants, remove pants, remove panties, squat, wipe then everything again in reverse.
And, what if we are wearing a long dress? Careful planning is needed to bunch it up in a way so we do not soil it, OR what about tights – I swear its like trying to fit a glove onto an elephant. And those pants that have approximately 12 buttons?
THOSE TAKE TIME YOU KNOW.
The Toilet Design Problem:
While men have urinals, women have stalls. And this basic structural design is one of the main reasons why we take so long. Let me explain.
Due to the ‘open’ or ‘communal’ concept of urinals, men are expected to do their thing and then leave (and at times, wash their hands). You can’t be hanging around after you are done (refer below for things to do after peeing) as it would deem as odd and not socially acceptable to other patrons.
Women on the other hand have the privilege of a private space. Within this enclosed area, we can adjust straps and unintended wedgies, we can reply that text or make that phone call. Hidden from view, we can finally pick that booger and let out that fart (yeah, we do these things too, sorry to crush your dreams guys). We might stretch, scratch – perhaps that dinner made us want to retch.
In the stall – nothing is impossible.
The Mirror Problem:
Now we are at the final hurdle, the last stretch. All that needs to be done is done. And say you finally understand the plight of womenkind – but still, why are they yet to materialize?
The answer is this: mirrors.
Mirrors are fascinating things. It allows us to do things that we can’t within the stall. With these magical reflective surfaces, we can reapply make-up, comb our hair, adjust that dress. We can also take those proverbial toilet ‘cam-whore’ shots (given that no one is looking, of course). Even on our way out, we need to do at least two full body and three half body turns at the full length mirror – just in case we missed anything.
Guys? I’d suggest that you read a book (or take up a new hobby) while you wait.