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The Sum of All These Goodbyes.

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The thing about goodbyes is that practice won’t make you any better at it.

You would think that the heart gets used to it; that it gets numb towards the pain after the second, third time around.

Perhaps you think that it would hurt less because it’s been through the same motions before?

You’re wrong – it shatters all the same.

 

The thing about goodbyes is that the worst ones are right by the departure gates.

From the pathetic attempt to commit everything about you to memory; the curvature of your arms, the smell of that space between your neck and chest to the sound of your voice.

Have I said everything that I wanted to say, surely I have forgotten something? How many kisses before I make you and everyone around us feel uncomfortable?

When will you see through my stalling techniques? I had a speech prepared but all the words are stuck at the back of my throat along with all the tears that I am choking back.

The moment you walk through those gates, and I see you on the other side of the glass, knowing that wherever you’re going – I can never follow.

I stand on my tippy toes, will you to turn around so I could steal one last moment.

And when you do, I put on a smile and wave because I promised you that I won’t cry.

And now is a good time as any to tell you this: the moment right after you disappear into the crowd? I broke that promise.

 

And though I know the logic and justification of why you can’t stay and why I can’t follow, I can’t for the life of me justify the empty space between my fingers where yours should be.

And though I know that this separation is temporary and that I will see you again very soon,

that we have all the technology and ability to stay in touch,

the sum of all these goodbyes still hurts.

 

See you soon, my love.

 

Distance is not for the fearful, but the bold.
It’s seeing a good thing even though you don’t see it often enough

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Comments
  1. Vivian 7th July 2015 on 12:49 am Reply

    Somehow this triggered my thought for my mum…who left the world 2 years ago suddenly…i wonder how i can see her again despite our technology…our distance is beyond imagination…she does not even come to my dreams…sorry for being so emo…maybe it’s the night…thanks for this great piece…serves as a little consolation for me…

    • iaremunyee 7th July 2015 on 10:58 am Reply

      Dear Vivian

      I am sorry for your loss. I pray that you would take heart that one day you will be reunited with your Mum once more and that you never have to say goodbye again.

      So much love from me to you.

  2. Gerry 7th July 2015 on 5:40 am Reply

    Ya, I was kinda thinking along those lines too…that this would sum up what I would want to say at a eulogy or something. Good read…it really touched me.

  3. T.Hemaavathy 7th July 2015 on 8:25 am Reply

    My dearest MunYee,
    Goodbye hurts regardless of it being said to a person, place or anything at all. It is worst if you don’t get to say goodbye at all. That heavy load of sadness and regret stays, tormenting day by day.
    Tc, love.

  4. V 9th July 2015 on 1:59 pm Reply

    Absence makes the heart grow fonder – there’s some truth in that which you could take comfort in. I’ve been on the other side of the glass countless of times for the past four years, and while it hurts each time I drive home with the empty seat next to me, I know it’s worth the wait until the next time we meet. In the meantime, technology will have to be your best friend, and you will shudder at the thought of losing your phone (or an internet connection!). =) All the best!

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