Sek Pau Mei

The misadventures of the heart and sometimes, the stomach.

Midnight Supper Series: Ice Cream


I found our favorite ice cream at the supermarket today.

I was going to call and tell you that but then I remembered: I don’t have that privilege anymore.

I suppose this happens to those who are left behind.

You spend a lot of time typing, retyping texts just to delete them right before you hit the SEND button, you stare at the phone willing him to call, knowing full well that his caller ID won’t appear on your screen anymore.

You lose the privilege to use certain pronouns and make statements like, “our favorite ice cream” when the other person wants to have nothing to do with you.

My mind knows that you are gone, that you are never coming back but my heart doesn’t understand.

Loving you is a muscle memory that my heart refuses to unlearn.

I wish we would talk again – there are so many things that I want to say to you: some angry, some sad, mostly regrets.

I wish we would talk again – the way we used to late into the night, about everything under the sun.

I wish we would talk again because I miss your voice and that

I am starting to forget its rise and fall and I am worried that you had already forgotten mine.

Of all the things that I miss about us, I miss that the most.

There are so many things that I want to say to you

if you would just listen, if you would just forgive me, if you would just come back.


I just want to tell you that I found our favorite ice cream.



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