Let Go.
We’re lying in bed and he’s lying.
The signs are not as obvious as one might think; no lipstick smudge on his collar, or used condom in his car.
But I knew that another Goldilocks had been sleeping in my bed; sitting on my chair and dipping her finger into my porridge.
The signs aren’t obvious but lately, I noticed that;
during the nights when I map his familiar terrain, I knew that someone else had been there. I see the invisible marks that you’ve left behind, your temporary claim.
And I wonder where you went, what you did and if he liked it.
When I tell him that I love him and he merely echoes my words; like being alone in a cavernous hall, I hear myself bouncing off the walls, like dating a parrot.
He doesn’t look at me any more when we talk. Perhaps he’s afraid that his eyes might give you away.
His affection is rationed, his smile forced. And that slight recoil when I reach for him? I wish he had slapped me instead – it would hurt less.
The signs aren’t obvious; they are subtle, quiet.
But his hesitation, reluctance, and nonchalance are deafening.
He told me about you one night when we were both lying in bed.
Something about how you made him feel alive. The way you set him on fire with a well-timed touch and a careless whisper.
He said that I wouldn’t understand – but I did.
I knew exactly how you made him feel because that used to be me, until you.
He told me that he was sorry. I did not listen. I did not want his apology. I wanted him to want me.
I could’ve confronted you, call you up on that number he’d saved under a guy’s name. I could’ve threatened to burn your house down or kidnap your cat; I could’ve fallen to my knees and beg you to let him go.
But I won’t because I knew that it was a conscious choice.
You chose him though he belonged to another, it was his choice to succumb and this is mine to walk away.
So you don’t have to let him go.
I will.
We were taught our whole lives to hold on,
but it is equally as important to know when to let go.
I’ve been in your position before. Three times with the same guy I thought I would marry. Good on you, for making the choice to let go.
I know it feels like you’re falling apart. I hope you’re okay. Take care.
One day. You’ll find what’s yours. Then scream to joy. =)
Till then, eat well, sleep well & have fun.
From someone who has been there, I’ll give a pat on your shoulders. When someone you love says goodbye, you can stare long and hard at the door they closed and forget to see all the doors God has open in front of you. You deserve better! Take care!
i know what you went through as i experienced the same.
“His affection is rationed, his smile forced. And that slight recoil when I reach for him? I wish he had slapped me instead – it would hurt less.” – brings me back to where i was in that relationship with him more than a decade ago. and yes – i wished that he had slapped me then instead.
in the end, i deserved better, and you deserve something much better too. be strong!
love this post. I can resonate so well.
Hey..same thing just happened to me. My wife cheated on me and still have no remorse and wants us to stay as normal together while she continues cheating. Just one word to describe them.. CHEAP!
Why…this entry echoes what was on my mind 8 years ago. Many people would tell you, time heals all wound but I’m not here to tell you that. I’m here to say, “that effing hurts, he doesn’t deserve you, cry your heart out, eat some ice cream and then, take one step a day and move forward, MunYee. Someday, you will get there but today, it’s tears & ice cream.”
A tough choice but i think you made a wise decision. I hope this does not make you give up on love.
It’s a brave and wise choice. I’m sure, u deserve someone better and u will be happier. Never regret ur choice darling. All the best to you.
It is exactly how I am feeling now. And the worst part is he rather forsake our children to be with her. Stay strong and be strong.
Stay strong girl, no man is worth your tears, no worthy man would make you cry.
Hey, I can fully understand what u r gg thru as I just signed the “termination letter” for our 5-years marital “contract” 3 days ago… unfortunately I’ve done all the above mentioned (cry, beg, attempt suicide) desperately wanting him to stay. But it’s good he’s left me in a cold hearted way n manner so that I can give up and let go.. be brave, cry if u need to, get hugs if u need one, but must always believe, there’s a rainbow waiting for us after we brave through the thundering storm… :)
Your post brought tears to my eyes.. You are such a courageous girl. This man doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone better. Move on and enjoy your singlehood! Take this time to find yourself again :)
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Well written. Stay strong. You deserve more and better.
Brilliantly written. So much emotion, so much sadness yet so much courage.
Be sad and mourn but move on. You sound like an intelligent lady who knows
what’s the right decisions, choices, paths to take. It’s definitely his loss.
You have so much talent and beauty. It’s not the end of the world. Best wishes
Came across this post when a friend of mine shared it. I thought it was beautifully written and made me think that you are a very gracious person. Beyond the cool front I believe you must have cried and hurt for some time. I thought I would drop you a note to encourage you, and perhaps give you some comfort – if you are looking for some.
I have had been with quite a few boyfriends in my lifetime, and I got cheated over and over again. Not sure if it was me, or I happened to like a particular breed of men. Anyways, the first long-term boyfriend I had decided to cheat on me 7 times. I was young and gullible at that time and stayed on. No good that did for me. The last straw was when he decided to actively pursue a good friend of mine. I found flirtatious messages to her on his phone. My friend did not reciprocate, but did not tell me either. I left that guy for good. My second serious relationship left me in the hospital for overdose. My then-boyfriend cheated with a girl younger and prettier than me. I decided to confront. The girl fought back. It became ugly. The guy chose her. I tried to kill myself. Then, when I was in year 2, I saw that girl on campus. She just joined year 1, and her class is right beside me. Talk about bad luck. It was horrible during that period of time and I couldn’t see any light.
Fats forward to a few boyfriends after, several years later and cheaters here and there, I decided to not date for 2 years. I had entered the workforce, and was working my ass off. There, I met my boyfriend. We connected really well and took dating slowly. He was strongly against cheaters as his father had cheated many times and even brought the women home, causing turmoil at home. I also had left my past behind and decided to trust fully, not snooping or creating unfound suspicion. Our new relationship began to take from with trust as the foundation. I have never felt happier.
Today, we have been together for 8 years, and we are married with a beautiful girl.
I wish that you will find happiness, and be able to forgive and forget. We are #survivorsofcheat :)
Many times, when a 3rd party appears in a relationship, he/she might not even be aware that he/she is committing infidelity. Dun fault the 3rd party, warn him/her about him/her being a 3rd party. If your partner can choose to betray in your relationship with him, he will do the same to the latter as well. Save another person from such heartbreak. An act of kindness can create a endless ripple…
I been there few years back. I wasn’t as strong, I did all sort of nonsense naively thought I can make him stay. One day my tears dry up I decided I’ve to let go. Now I’m happily married with another man, understanding and family oriented. I wish I could have wake up earlier. You will find your happiness soon.
i admire yr courage to let go and maintain that strength within you. This is really upsetting even to read .. I hope you will find your true happiness soon. Just as for everyone else. take care!
This hurts. A lot. Is it a true story? It’s suspiciously specific.
Just want to say that you write beautifully, please pursue your dreams as a writer!
Heartbreaking as you situation is, I wish you all the best and that you’ll find what you are looking for one day.
I really respect u.
Able to let go so gracefully, even thou such hurt is immerse.
I was in such a situation twice (2 relationship) with the second case – my ex chased after another girl while we were together, lying abt his wereabouts (many cases, eg tell me he sick but still can go meet her and her friends). They are still together btw, but some the frens that were his, became mine and told me to wait for Karma.
Take care. Go for a holiday. Cry/emo when u feel lk it.
The day of truely letting go comes faster.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this heartache. You deserve so much more than a lying cheat. I don’t know you but I hope these words, along with everyone else’s, will help you get better as each day passes. There will be good days and there will be tough days but one day, you will wake up and you will only have good days :) The broken road will lead you to something so much more. Trust the universe, my dear!
Hugs. Your strength has inspired me. I hope you will find someone who will love you and treasure you the way you deserve. I hope you writing gives you as much solace as me reading. I know it isn’t an easy time right now – take care and I wish you all the very best.
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I’ve been where you were at. I tried to believe that it wasn’t real but it was and in the end, I waited till it was too late to let go. Good that you let go of it earlier. Stay strong.
Dear Mun Yee,
You have captured the pain I had suffered in your writing with such eloquence. Such haunting words with very deep meanings rooted in grieving heartache. I understand how you feel. It may perhaps be the hardest thing to do to walk away from someone you loved, despite the lying and cheating. I felt worthless after it happened to me. But everyday you take that step forward will make you stronger. Until one day you look back and you wonder why you didnt part ways sooner. I believe that God puts us through these challenges for a reason. To prepare you for someone better, someone more deserving. You’ll find him one day. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Hi gurl..
It’s always okie to be not okie.
i will not ask you to cheer up for now.. if u need to shed that tear..do it.
You will be okie one day..
And one day..maybe tomorrow..maybe next week..maybe a year after..
The one will appear in your life, to show you what your heart really deserve. He wont be the one that make your heart pounds like when u fall in love the 1st time.. but he will be the one that cure your heart.
You need to take care yourself.. as least take care yourself for that person who wont let u fall again.
I went thru twice..got treated even worst.
But now I met Him.. and I cant decribe how glad i am that I let go the wrong one in the past.
Just hang on.. God always save the best at the last for you. 加油!
very inspiring.
I am absolutely in love with every piece you’ve written on your website. I too, turn to writing to express my feelings but I can’t portray it as well as you have.
I’ve been through some of the things you’ve been through and it’s not easy. It will never be easy to let go and move on but somehow we have to do it – for the better.
I went through a major heartbreak recently and told myself I needed to stop wallowing in self-pity. I channeled my negative energy into exercising and working out; kept myself preoccupied so my mind wouldn’t wander.
It helped so much because I was focused on being better, feeling better, and looking better; with hopes that one day he’ll see me on the streets and see how great I’m doing without him.
Time will heal all wounds.
What’s broken will never be whole again.
I hope you will find that one thing in life to keep you going, and may you be constantly surrounded by positive energy.
Nicely said
This sounds bad! :(
Thanks for the well written message. I admire your writing and courage. Letting go the trash is definitely a wise decision. Wish you well!
I do not know you, but your words make me teared – not only this post, but the previous posts. I can totally feel for you even though I have not been through this. It’s going to be a tough road ahead to forget someone whom you used to truly love unreservedly. Every dark cloud has a silver lining. I wish you can be strong and be brave. I know, said is easier than done, but I hang in there.
Munyee, I have completely fallen for your write-ups. Every post is so beautifully written. Every word just dances to me and sings to my heart. Honestly, I read them more than once. To call you a good writer is simply underrated. I would say that you are excellent! You definitely inspire me.
I know exactly how you feel. 3 months ago, I been there before. I let go, moved on. I know it’s hard, but you deserve someone better than him. I bet you heard thousands of times no matter who told you. You still will tears. But deep down, you know you can walk through the pain. Embrace them and time really do heals everything. Sooner or later, you will not feel the pain and you will be freed.
Be nice to yourself, give yourself some time to mourn and cry. Cheers! ;)
(Y) good job.
This is where I was 7 years ago with him, except he was too chicken shit to confess to something that I already suspected. She knew of me, but didn’t care anyway. Enough. I packed up my stuff, closed the book on our 9-yr relationship and left them to their own devices. I never looked back. Letting go was the best decision I made.
Be strong, and follow your decision once you made you choice.
Even if you could forgive him and start over, you will never forget and things will never be the same again as before. These are said when I caught my ex-husband thrice and he never thought it is his fault.
*hugs
What a bittersweet symphony this is. Love sucks.
you write amazingly. and you go girl. because life is a choice amongst many choices and you made the best yet in your life. simply by walking away.
Let your heart run free. Jiayou, Munyee
Beautifully written, been there, done that, left with no regrets. Time to heal your heart and love yourself. When you feel the pain in your heart pounding on you like a migraine that never ceases, say these magic words everyday till you feel your heart becomes stronger and stronger: ” Im sorry, I love you, Please forgive me”. Say it to yourself any time of the day, repeatedly everytime your heart bleeds.
It is his loss on giving in to lust and superficial physical forms over a talented feeling person who loved him. He never knew what it means to love if he needed more than just you.
Give “heartbroken” sometimes to heal! It will eventually. Well, its always easy to say then done.
I am going through this now, I am not so strong as you. I keep forgive him, forget myself. Such a useless me. I hope I can be like you one day. Till the day arrive, I still suck with him, I said good-bye to him a thousand time but I still comeback to him again and again. I keep telling myself he will change, he still love me and the children. We have been married for 25 years and we have been through alot together. Why not me but her? I keeping asking myself why her? The problem with me is that I need him more than he needs me. Maybe till the day I die, he will stop.
Hey gal, U r really a brave and strong gal.
One day you will be grateful and thank him for letting you appreciate someone else more than you would actually have appreciated him. He is just not “the one”. Stay strong girl!
Beautifully written Mun Yee. Letting go is perhaps the hardest thing to do and yet to keep your dignity and sanity it is perhaps the wisest thing to do. I am 53 and married for 24 years. Before I was married I have been there too. Despite being very pretty in my younger days (am still pretty
hey.cheer up girl.i know it hurts.let the time heal and dont give up in love.your story almost same as mine.but mine is all my fault.i have give a chance to let other guy to cheer her up.be there for her.be the shoulder to cry and so on.i was busy with my work and didnt manage my time well for her.at first,i was so furious when i know there is the third party.but i took a moment to look for the malfunction of the relationship and i realized that it all came from me.now i regret it so much.but what i can do.damage is done.i know she’s happy with her life now.its realy hard to bear the pain.so i let her go even its killing me from the inside.she was apart of my life and i even have her name tattoed on my wrist.this is the sacrife i can do for her as long she is happy with her life.anyhow,be strong girl.God have a better plan for u tho.cheers!
Stay strong and live your life. I can empathize with you although it took me much longer to let go.
stay strong. my partner also cheated on me. reading ur posts made me feel that i was not alone, and i was glad. you brought out thoughts that i couldn’t put to words. thank you. we are stronger than this
You deserve someone better.
Awesome writing skills. It stings like bee.
I am in the same boat as you. The 3rd party involved is very challenging. She finds that it is no fault of hers and started emotionally blackmailed me. She is married and has 2 kids.
I wish I am as brave as you to walk out. I turned back because of my kids. I ain’t happy. Hell has unleashed within me. I know you understand how I feel.
In all my relationships, the guys cheated on me over and over again. Its hurts every single time and with each relationship, you tell yourself you will be stronger and stand no shit. I dont know if i just have a knack for falling for the same type of guys but history just keep repeating itself and it’s the same shit all over. Here i am just discovered my husband cheating on me. It hurts so badly because it took a lot for me to trust and give into a relationship only to have it slowly slipping away right before my eyes.
Came across this writing of yours and i cried buckets reading this. That pain echoes what Im going through, only no one knows. I don’t know if one day I will tire of waiting for him and giving it up but foolish as it is, im hanging on to it. some days its better but some days it’s just so bad i dont know what to do.
Sure we can be stronger with each setbacks but at the back of the mind we always question, why me? why?? only when one day, when the tears have all dried up, we will then learn that it’s really pointless…
Will I have the courage to leave one day?
This is a very good one… well expressed
i love your writing.
The way how you express your feelings is very beautiful and touching, like a singing harmony.
A literature so beautifully knitted on a canvas of sorrows and bitterness – not a smear of foul bitching or curse, held back by the strength of a remarkable strong heart…
Ohw god. Pretty much the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. This would likely hurt like hell for quite a while, but I hope that one day you’d find someone you can trust again. :)
Hugs. I just wanted to give you one now. You will be better, Mun Yee. You definitely will!
I feel ur indescribable pain when I read this post. Not that I have experienced it myself but ur flair in writing got me. U deserve better, am sure u have heard it umpteen times. Laugh in his face, let him know u r better off without him. Live, love, pray.
I just found you tonight through your post on FB and I started to read some of your work. I am a bit older but I really like your writing style – baring your heart and soul in words that are witty yet beautiful and poignant. Just remember that time heals a broken heart and the heart will be stronger and bigger for it – cheers!