iaremyne.

#loveminusone

Enough.

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I suppose you want to know why I left.

But before I get to the end, let me first tell you the beginning.

 

I fell in love with her smile first and then the sound of her laughter.

I fell in love with the way her eyes disappear, how her face would blush crimson.

I fell in love with the way she tries to stifle a chuckle.

I fell in love with the way she tries and fails.

In the beginning, I fell in love with how happy she was.

And though we’d just met, I knew that her laughter was the question that I wanted to spend the rest of my life answering.

 

But soon I noticed that something was wrong; that there were cracks in all of that happy.

And that’s when I realized why she tries so hard, because the saddest people know what it feels like to feel so unloved and worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel the same.

In the morning, she would put on a smile for the world –  like she would her make up or dress. But at night, I am the only one who sees her fall apart. I stand by the door and watch all that make up and façade run down the toilet sink.

 

And that was the beginning of the end.

 

Do you know how it feels like watching the person you love drown in their own fears?

Do you know how tiring it is to keep her and yourself above water?

 

Now you might think of me as a coward, a pussy. And I suppose I deserve that. You can crucify me on that cross for giving up but you cannot fault me for not trying.

Because by God, I tried.

 

I wiped away tears that come unannounced. I slept with the light on because she was afraid of the dark. I tried to show her that the monsters weren’t really monsters after all; that all she’s seeing were merely shadows on our bedroom wall. I tried to hold her together every time she fell apart. I tried to anchor her when she can’t tell the difference between the truth and the reality forged by insecurities.

When she gets on the runaway train of doubt and fear, I jump on right after her with two tickets in hand to bring her home.

I told her that I love her even when she did not believe me. I loved her when she didn’t love herself.

 

I thought that my love could be her salvation but I couldn’t save her from her demons.

 

Funny how people say that if you love someone unconditionally, you can heal all that is broken.

But what they don’t tell you is that sometimes, love isn’t enough.

 

In the end, I had forgotten the curve of her smile, the rise and fall of her laughter.

In the end, I had forgotten what it was like to be happy together.

In the end, I remember how I felt so tired of rescuing her.

In the end, I remember giving up.

 

In the end,

well you already know it ends.

I tried fixing all your broken pieces only to end up cutting myself. 

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Comments
  1. Steve 10th August 2015 on 2:41 am Reply

    Heartbreaking. What do you do when you love someone unconditionally but you find out it was not receipricated?

  2. Devi 10th August 2015 on 9:48 am Reply

    I completely understand what u feel.

  3. Renny Chan 10th August 2015 on 10:59 am Reply

    It was very beautifully written, I feel that you know what I’ve been going through all along!! And teared a bit , but it was expressed at its finest and so, thank you :’)

    • iaremunyee 10th August 2015 on 11:58 am Reply

      Hi Renny.

      Thank you for sharing your story with me. I hope that one day you will find someone who would fight the demons with you, or at the very least be there to support you when you are.

      Good luck!

  4. (: 10th August 2015 on 9:11 pm Reply

    I write, recreationally. And I don’t normally do this, neither do I normally say this, but keep writing, you have talent.

  5. :-) 11th August 2015 on 9:19 pm Reply

    I guess there is always two sides to a story ?

  6. Jeff 1st September 2015 on 1:29 pm Reply

    I remember what it was like to struggle with depression. You are on the right path. Hang in there.

  7. J T M 1st September 2015 on 6:21 pm Reply

    iaremunyee: the more you share your joy or sorrow the better. There is no reason for us human to endure pain alone or celebrate success alone. It is called community. Sure, there are several other labels for it. Some call it faith, religion, worship, communion, etc. Most animals do far better with the idea of community. I watch the ducks in the creeks in subzero temperatures (-20 to -40) in January; unlike the Canadian geese who escape to Florida or Mexico, in the reduced frigid water, they do well being together creating and sharing warmth without having to cross the border with no passport & visa to sizzling south American countries. Remember the old saying: “She who walks alone, walks FASTER (why?); but if you choose to walk together to share the pain, agony, exertion, loneliness and target together, you walk FARTHER!

  8. To The Other Woman. | iaremunyee 2nd August 2016 on 12:54 am Reply

    […] weren’t the reason behind why he gave up on me and that our relationship fell […]

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