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#loveminusone

I Don’t Deserve You.

AAWR68NIRE
I don’t deserve you. – this is what you tell me.

And I believe you. 

 

I don’t deserve merely being an option or second best. 

Plans with me are always secondary to the ones you make with your friends. I can be cancelled, put on hold, rescheduled at your convenience; that though you’re online, those tell-tale blue ticks show that you’ve read my messages – you would always be too busy to reply.

I don’t deserve the late nights staying up to wait for you; falling asleep on the couch, phone clutched to my chest; the untouched dinners scrapped into bins because you have already eaten. 

 

I don’t deserve to be treated like a dirty secret,the snooping around. 

That your social media can be peppered with pictures of half-clad girls with you but you can’t be seen in public with me. 

 

I don’t deserve your criticisms conveniently disguised as constructive that you offer so generously.

your constant reminders of my flaws, of ways how I never quite measure up. How I am never quite as slim or as toned as the girls you know, how I could be taller or have bigger breasts; as if thigh gaps were something I could pick up at a grocery store. 

 I am not a charity and you, my sole benefactor. 

 

I don’t deserve you using my body. 

That when you reach for me at night, I am not supposed to refuse you. I am to bend over until my back breaks, take it all in until I choke. That I have to strip myself raw, perform like a well-trained circus monkey for your entertainment. 

I don’t deserve staying up after, with you fast asleep, cock slick with conquest, wondering:

“Is it love even when it feels so selfish?”

 

Love isn’t easy but it shouldn’t be this hard. 

Love is about compromise, but this love is compromising me. 

 

I don’t deserve you – this is what you tell me.

And I believe you. 

I deserve better.  

 

 

Though he means the world to you, 
if he tells you that you don’t deserve to be loved – don’t believe him.

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Comments
  1. 998 4th June 2015 on 12:00 am Reply

    Yes u deserve better, Mun Yee…definitely. I’m a divorcee..n I know I deserve better too. :)

  2. Diyaa 4th June 2015 on 12:06 am Reply

    But the truth my friend, is that he doesn’t deserve you. You will rise above all this one day, for I foresee a great future for you. Just keep soldiering on, and you will definitely get there.

  3. Melody 4th June 2015 on 6:14 am Reply

    You never cease to amaze me with your writing. Time and time again, I get all choked up while reading your posts. Don’t let anybody tell you how you should live besides yourself- don’t stop writing!

  4. T.Hemaavathy 4th June 2015 on 7:43 am Reply

    My dearest Mun Yee,
    I believe that when he said you don’t deserve him, he meant it in a way that you deserve someone better than him. And damn right, you do. Screw him.

  5. Eugene Tham 4th June 2015 on 7:54 am Reply

    Your previous post seems to make him the Anus of Satan

  6. Samantha 4th June 2015 on 10:10 am Reply

    Wow, I’ve been through this. More than 5 years into the relationship and finally decided I’ve had it and left him.
    After leaving looking at the big picture, the only reason I realize he stays is for his lust & desires. It looks that it is no different in what you are experiencing. We all wish that such desires hold at least a little ounce of love but all we do is delude ourselves coz’ love is that blind.
    Stay strong & meet new people. You deserve better gurl~

  7. Ling 4th June 2015 on 10:26 am Reply

    You do not need to go through all these. The hardest part is always the first step to leaving him. Take that step and leave him. I been through rough time too and when I took that step I never look back. Life is great, meet people do things that you always to do, go travel and find yourself again. Let your love showered upon someone who deserve it. You will emerge like a warrior after the episode. Take care, stay string and be yourself.

  8. Linda 4th June 2015 on 12:22 pm Reply

    Leave him. A guy who treats women like that are not worthy of your love.

  9. Helen Ng 4th June 2015 on 6:20 pm Reply

    He just left me 4 days ago. His parting words were ‘You are not in my future. I wish you are but you are not.’ Damn those words.

  10. Lim Chin Yong 4th June 2015 on 11:02 pm Reply

    You really write damn well. But pretty lady, it is time to move on. You really don’t deserve him because you deserve someone much better than him. I know it is probably hard to get over the heartache of giving everything to someone only to be let down by him. One day you will find someone who will cherish you and shower you with the TLC that you deserve. Sadness flies away on the wings of time. Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. It was Mark Twain who said never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. I look forward to more of your wonderful writings!
    .

  11. Z 7th June 2015 on 9:43 am Reply

    Sorry for being blunt, this is one of the so many similar stories ard the world. Just break up, move on, dun expect him to change. Simple as that.

  12. Jay Ericson 7th June 2015 on 12:38 pm Reply

    What a horrible man. Throw his ass to the curve. Love him or not, you’ll find a new love whom you both treat equally.

  13. Roy 7th June 2015 on 1:42 pm Reply

    Very touching, but I beg to differ. Relationships are NOT based on deservedness.

  14. Dennis Persson 7th June 2015 on 3:53 pm Reply

    Take the first real step and walk away, life is way to short. I lost years that I will never get back because I didn’t want to give up, I wanted it to work. Go and be free and you will be happy and love finds you.

  15. Christopher 7th June 2015 on 8:28 pm Reply

    Any of those offenses represents a red flag. All of those offenses represent a nuclear bomb. If tit for tat were to apply, we should all be dead from the blast imposed upon that sociopath. I hope you unceremoniously dump him and find another who regards you with the utmost of respect and affords you inert and loving tenderness. Your mind is too sharp and your appearance too delightful for anything but the best a one has to give. Despite the looming horror, 14B would have been a joy.

  16. YajB 8th June 2015 on 1:21 pm Reply

    This?
    This is not love.

  17. anonymous 12th June 2015 on 8:00 am Reply

    Beautifully filled with melodramatic pretense :) pray you grow wiser

  18. Valerie 15th June 2015 on 10:35 am Reply

    Love your writing :) you sound like a pretty cool person

  19. Someone 18th June 2015 on 5:17 pm Reply

    well, love can be so amazing and hurtful. Just like landing the correct balance of scales between you and him. Too much or too little on either side will break the balance and eventually fall apart. Hope you can find the right one and balance him to your life.

  20. Heiko 23rd June 2015 on 1:53 pm Reply

    Can’t believe it’s you…

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