The misadventures of the heart and sometimes, the stomach.



I went back to the café  that we used to go,

the one with the naked hanging bulbs, mismatched cups and saucers and the exposed brick walls that you loved so much.

the one where I kept looking down at my lap, heart beating so loud, surely you heard? because I was so nervous meeting you face to face,

the one where your hand brushed against mine by accident and made me forget my name,

the one where my beverage and cake of choice was forgotten the moment I stepped out of its doors, but never the fact that you made my soul sing.



I went back to the café  that we used to go,

the one with the display cases filled with desserts of every shape and size;

from the tall, dark, handsome chocolate cake to the clouds of perfectly torched meringue atop lemon tarts, the vain macarons with their pretty feet, the luscious cheesecakes begging for you to sink a fork in,

the one you always let me choose whatever I wanted, because calories never counted when I’m with you.


I went back to the café  that we used to go,

the one with the carrot cake and maple frosting so good, it brought us to to our knees, and made us eat one too many,

the one with the flat white the non-coffee lover in me doesn’t mind drinking,

the one where you had that triumphant smile on your face because you finally found the hot chocolate that passed my ridiculous standards.




I went back to the café  that we used to go,

the one where you first told me about your dad, where I first saw you cry,

the one where you shared with me your greatest fears and dreams, where you trusted your secrets with me,

admist the clinking of spoons against saucers and whir of coffee machines, the melting foam art in that porcelain cup.

the one where you first said I love you. And I remembered how I thanked God for you.



I went back to the café  that we used to go, sat at a table meant for two. I went back to the café  that we used to go, and realised that though everything’s the same, everything’s changed. 

because though it is the same mismatched cup, with the symphony of clinking spoons and whir of coffee machines, all bathed in the dim light from the same naked bulb,

that even if it was the best hot chocolate or flat white the barista has ever poured, it will no longer make my soul sing.


Chellam, what should I do with all this leftover love I have for you?


Related Post

  1. Sha-Lene 22nd November 2014 on 11:48 pm Reply

    This is such a sweet, sorrowful and well-written blog post.

    • iaremunyee 24th November 2014 on 3:11 pm Reply


      You have always been too kind about my blog posts.

      Thank you for your support :)

      Congratulations on the engagement and upcoming wedding!!

  2. Anonymous 23rd November 2014 on 3:56 pm Reply

    I am spellbound. Been reading your blog backwards since the 'my life has been dhall without you but I have thosai goodbye' post and you are an uh-mazingly talented writer who spins gold from the spinningwheel of dreams.

    • iaremunyee 24th November 2014 on 3:13 pm Reply

      Dear Anonymous

      Your message is beautiful and so well written,

      You are an amazing writer yourself.

      I hope all s well with you.

  3. Anonymous 24th November 2014 on 2:04 pm Reply

    As with the person above, i am absolutely in love with your writing. Very few can pen the soul but you do it so effortlessly. Your posts hit right home for me, for i am going through the same pain. I pray you find a higher joy soon, and smile like you have never smiled before

    • iaremunyee 24th November 2014 on 3:10 pm Reply

      Thank you Anonymous!

      Thank you for taking the time to write to me. Your message made my day.

      I hope you are well!

  4. karen 24th November 2014 on 2:44 pm Reply

    I broke up with my ex 3 years ago, when he betrayed me and married someone else his own race. I was busy building a future with him, but I was blind sided when I realised I was just a notch on his bedpost. Like you, I was willing to give up everything just to be with him. Years passed, pain is more bearable? But she sting and scars run deep.i feel tainted. I feel dirty. Losing virginity to someone I loved with all my heart but betrayed to the core. I even almost attempted suicide a few times to take the sharp pain away, but I did not have the courage for I fear the consequences if I don't die but get paralyzed etc. Sigh..people tell me time heals. But we all know, it never does. A heart that is shattered, every joy in life now is viewed from a dimmed glass. All joys are reduced. All suffering magnified

    • iaremunyee 24th November 2014 on 3:10 pm Reply

      Dear Karen,

      I am sorry to hear about your experience. Its always painful to deal with heartbreaks. Trust me, it might seemed as if I am strong and courageous, but it takes so much concious effort to get better, every single day.

      Take your time to grieve. Months, years. Time heals but ironically, it takes well, time.

      But do nothing stupid such as taking your own life – you are worth so much more than that.

      There will come a day when you realize that the pain has subsided, the scars may remain, thats beyond us, but instead of a painful reminder, it will be a pleasant lesson.

      Never give up on love.

      And those shattered glasses? Time for a new one!

      All the best.

  5. Anonymous 24th November 2014 on 3:31 pm Reply

    you really are a fantastic writer , so captivating =)

  6. stepheo 24th November 2014 on 4:28 pm Reply

    Mun Yee,

    Your writings are captivating. Can't read enough. Look forward to a brand new you with a brighter and sunnier tone of excitement in whatever time line you may take.

    Cheer up, as I believe you had passed the worst time.

    Cheer up, as I believe you are a great soul with great upbringing from great parents and a happy family.

    Cheer up, as I believe love is about forgiving and moving on with live.

    Cheer up, I can see imagine the smile on your face. :)

    Can't beat you on your writing but I hope I get the rhyme.


    • iaremunyee 3rd December 2014 on 8:47 am Reply

      Dear Steph

      Thank you for dropping such a sweet message and for reading :)

      Have a good day!


  7. goh tooan heng 12th April 2015 on 2:30 pm Reply

    Love does a better job at healing, than time. With loves, you will be like a phoenix rising from the ashes. :)))

  8. Amber 17th April 2015 on 12:12 am Reply

    Mun Yee,
    Your post resonated with the feelings I have pushed to the back of my mind for the past year and a half… Brings back many painful memories but I don’t feel so alone now and comforted by the fact that I can choose to be a stronger person from this experience in my life. You show strength in your words even though they describe of great sadness. Love your writing, jia you!

  9. Should I? | iaremunyee. 6th October 2015 on 10:17 pm Reply

    […] Café. […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.