It’s been a year since you left us. How have you been?
What is heaven like? Is it fun? Does it have air-conditioning and infinite treats? Do angels play fetch with you and let you watch television all day?
Do you still look the same? Does your paws still smell like baby powder and vanilla?
Do you miss Mummy, Daddy, and Ah Bi?
Do you miss me?
Do you think about us as much as we think about you?
Since you left, we have been alright.
Daddy still likes to look at pretty aunties and Mummy still get jealous. They are more concious of their health now, after several hospital scares. They still bicker but they always make up – that’s what matters at the end of the day.
Ah Bi is doing great in Canada. Still scoring the good grades but not the girls. He came back to visit last month. I think he was expecting to come back to a fur-ball of energy and not ashes in an urn.
It’s been a year but it’s still difficult to look at your photos and not miss you.
As for me, I am doing okay.
I became a writer, Bella! You would have been so proud. I remember how I used to read my pieces to you and you would nip my toes in approval.
I met someone who taught me how to smile and laugh again. I told him all about you – and though he has never met you, he loves you already.
I am sure you would have liked him.
Some days when I feel down, I try to look for the silver linings among storm clouds. I am still learning to love myself and be more forgiving of my failures.
I have all these aspirations and goals but really, I am just trying my best to be the person that you think I am.
Sometimes I wonder, what if I’d tried harder?
What if I’d noticed that something was wrong sooner rather than lie in bed all day crying over a boy who no longer loves me?
What if I’d spent less time listening to his dial tone and more effort on looking for other vets?
What if I’d tried just a little bit harder to keep you safe and happy like I’d promised you?
Dear God, if I promise to try harder, would you let me try again?
You know how we are are put on Earth to learn how to love one another?
I suppose that explains why dogs leave us so soon – they already know how to do that.