Why is it that at 26,

I am expected to:

have dated the same guy for a minimum of two years, preferably someone of the same race and religion, holds down a predictable job with a steady paycheck, drives an imported car (his own)?

or even better, expected to have convinced someone to spend the rest of their lives with me, get married, buy house in a gated community, have kids?


Why is it that at 26,

my parents get uncomfortable when nosey neighbors and relatives ask, “Eh why your daughter still single ah?”

that they are embarrassed? as if their only daughter is a commodity about to reach its expiration date

I am told to just fucking pick someone, to just settle just so I can settle down?


Why is it that at 26,

I am not encouraged to focus on my career, pursue my passions or learn to love myself?

I am not taught the proper ways to deal with anxiety or depression or how to tell the difference between love and sex – because although the act remains the same, it can mean so much or nothing at all.

I am not told that it’s alright to make mistakes as long as you learn from them, that it’s alright to wake up some mornings feeling like shit because even the most successful of people deal with self-doubt.


Why is it that at 26,

instead of being commended for paying my bills on time, being debt-free or having emotional intelligence

people would comment that sure that designer bag that is the testament of my hard work is nice but it really would be better if it was a man hanging off my arm.

And that even if a guy was an asshole, I should consider going on another date because hey, he drives a HRV.


Someday when I have a daughter of my own, I want to tell her this:


That at 26,

you can be anyone you want to be, love anyone you want, fall in love or stay single, love one man or a few, perhaps even kiss a woman to see if you like it.

you should take as long as you want to figure out who you are and what you want.

and I promise that I will not shy away from questions of why you are single or shame you because you are defined by so much more than your relationship status.

that if society tries to fit you into a narrative as a damsel in distress, you will tell them that you are a warrior.

that I hope you will never merely settle for anything less because your happiness is worth it.


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  1. Shiel 9th January 2017 on 5:58 pm Reply

    This is exactly what I want to tell to the world right now. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

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